How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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