Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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