you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
