I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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