I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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