Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize