What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
