Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
