It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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