Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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