Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
