I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
