His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
