hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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