A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
