Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
