I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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