He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
