tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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