did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
