I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
