I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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