Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
