sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Someone signed my nipple.
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