so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
