I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
