Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
