lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
