I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize