It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
