honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
