You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
