he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
