K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Come see our sink grown plant.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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