I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We just shotgunned beers for America
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
