This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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