names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
