allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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