you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
