I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
