So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
