mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
