She went from zero to smokin in five shots
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
