Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
smell my finger.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
