Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
