she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
