guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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