He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
