she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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