Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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