just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
