he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
