ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize