Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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