U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
