it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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