Christians are straight up FREAKS
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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