sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I can't turn off my feet"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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