They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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