My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
