just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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