trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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