When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
